1. |
||||
I used to feel so much
Iād wake up in a haze
Distorted proportions
Of past bodiless voices
Screaming my name
I used to crave your touch
Sick to my gut every day
And Iād be tossing and turning
Up ātil dawn every morning
How did I live that way?
Now I get so high
And I ride the wave down
Oh I get so damn high and I ride
And I feel fucking stupid
I feel fucking dumb
Like I donāt fucking know
How to be someone
To anybody Iām fucking
Or whoās fucking me
I used to feel something
I used to be free
But now
My mind wonāt let my heart be
I used to suck it up
Keep a stiff upper lip
Oh cause Iād rather stay quiet
Than incite a riot
But Iām through with that shit
I used to shut my mouth
For fear of hearing my thoughts aloud
But keeping āem caged
Only made 'em enraged
And now theyāre fighting to get
Out
To get
Out
To get
Out
Out
Now I get so high
And I ride the wave down
Oh I get so damn high and I ride
And I feel fucking stupid
I feel fucking dumb
Like I donāt fucking know
How to be someone
To anybody Iām fucking
Or whoās fucking me
I used to feel something
I used to be free
But now
I feel fucking stupid
I feel fucking dumb
Like I donāt fucking know
How to be someone
To anybody Iām fucking
Or whoās fucking me
I used to feel something
I used to be free
But now
My mind wonāt let my heart be
My mind wonāt let my heart be
My mind wonāt let my heart be
|
||||
2. |
Mantras
03:12
|
|||
I canāt
Take my eyes off of you
Thinking about all the things I wanna do
So tell me
What is your next move?
All I know is that I want you
Why don't you meet me in the garden darling
Iāll show you how I bargain
When the skies darken
I donāt ask for a pardon
I take
Donāt want to be mistaken
For a soft human whoās prone to only making love
I got faith
Taste
And a lazer beam gaze
Zoom in on a kill
And I lay that shit to waste
With my eyes on the prize
Subway stair running thighs
Best believe I will leave the bar raised high
I wasted days, months, years
Letting insecurities pair up with fears
Now that Iāve leveled up
Itās clear
All of that bullshit was in my head
Look in the mirror
Who do I see?
Why itās exactly who I thought Iād be
I wasted days, months, years
Getting all kinds of caught up in my head
But now I know
Confidence is crucial
On uncharted ground
Mantras can be useful
I like to tell myself that
Confidence is crucial
And tonight Iām feeling it
So tell me are you feeling this
Letās quit playinā games
I can't
Take my eyes off of you
Thinking about all the things I wanna do
So tell me
What is your next move?
All I know is that I want you
Why don't you meet me in the garden darling
Iāll show you how I bargain
When the skies darken
I donāt ask for a pardon
I take
Donāt want to be mistaken
For a soft human whoās prone to only making love
I got faith
Taste
And a lazer beam gaze
Zoom in on a kill
And I lay that shit to waste
With my eyes on the prize
Subway stair running thighs
Best believe I will leave the bar raised high
Confidence is crucial
Confidence is crucial
Mantras can be useful
Mantras can be useful
I like to tell myself that
Confidence is crucial
Confidence is crucial
So tell me are you feeling this?
Let's quit playing games
I canāt take my eyes off of you
Thinking about all the things I wanna do
So tell me
What is your next move?
All I know is that I want
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
|
||||
3. |
Kind of Love
03:41
|
|||
4. |
Soft Spot
02:35
|
|||
Call me up and tell me how youāre feeling
I wanna know everything
I wanna know everything
I do
Call me up and tell me ābout your morning
I wanna know everything
What kind of coffee did you drink?
What brew?
Iāve got a
A soft spot
Iāve got a soft spot for you
Iāve got a
A soft spot
Iāve got a soft spot for you
Every time you speak
All I can think is how far away you are
And no matter where you are
Iām gone
Every time you speak
All I can think is will I ever get this out?
Expel my demons from this house
Have āem gone
Iāve got a
A soft spot
Iāve got a soft spot for you
Iāve got a
A soft spot
Iāve got a soft spot for you
And Iāve got this stain
That will not go away
Oh rips and tears
On clothing that Iāll never wear again
But I keep them close
For sentimental purposes
Yes I keep them close for
Sentiment
Every time you speak
All I can think is how far away you are
And no matter where you are
Iām gone
|
||||
5. |
With U (I'm Good)
03:17
|
|||
Itās true
Sometimes I wake up
With no desire to groom
Or get out of my bed
Or even put on my shoes
The world can feel so dark
And dismal
And blue
So sometimes I forget
Thatās when you
Patiently remind me
Itās not so bad
Things arenāt so bad
With you
I savor every meal
And every moment
I choose
To live Inside the present moment
Itās true
You know that it is
Infinitely better with you
But sometimes I forget
That's you patiently
Remind me
Itās not so bad
Things aren't so bad
Itās not so bad
Things aren't so bad
Things aren't so bad
It's not so bad
'Cause we're good
We're good
You're good
And I'm good
We're good
I smile and I
Remember the time
That you walked me home
I smile and I
Remember with you
I am always home
With you
With you
With you
Hey
With you
I'm good
My sides hurt
My heart bursts
In the best way
With you
And when I'm on my own
The feelings stay
You power up my light
And I feel like I might
Know myself a little better
With you
I'm good
My sides hurt
My heart bursts
In the best way
With you
And when I'm on my own
The feelings stay
You power up my light
And I feel like I might
Know myself a little better
With you
With you
With you
|
||||
6. |
Ghosts
03:49
|
|||
Scratching at my door
Tapping on my window
Whispering into my ear
Writing me notes
Speaking in some kinda code
Leaving messages
For me to hear
And what do I do about it?
Do I listen?
Do I shut down?
What do I do about it?
This time I look āem in the eye
And decide to let 'em speak
Cause at the end of the day
Iām doing better now
Iām not afraid
I won't kick the ghosts out
Hey
Iām doing better now
Iāve got a bookshelf full of
Origin stories
Carefully curated over time
And when I face a living legend
I know exactly how
I can defend myself
But also be kind
And what do they do about it?
They know I cannot defeat them
Or have āem put down
So what will I do about it?
Well I wonāt be paralyzed
By the fear
Cause at the end of the day
Iām doing better now
Iām not afraid
I won't kick the ghosts out
Hey
Iām doing better now
Iām not afraid
I won't kick the ghosts out
I won't
I won't kick the ghosts out
I won't
I won't kick the ghosts out
I won't kick the ghosts out
You can invite them
Welcome them inside
Let 'em stay the night
They cannot hurt you
If they bring the dark
You can bring the light
You can invite them
Welcome them inside
Let 'em stay the night
They cannot hurt you
If they bring the dark
Cause at the end of the day
Iām doing better now
Iām not afraid
I won't kick the ghosts out
Hey
Iām doing better now
No
I'm not afraid
I won't kick the ghosts out
I won't
I won't kick the ghosts out
I won't
I won't kick the ghosts out
I won't
I won't
I won't
|
||||
7. |
Bedside
03:51
|
|||
I donāt hold anything against you
Or at least Iām trying not to
If you held me now Iād bruise
Still soft after losing myself in you
And sometimes I find
In the middle of the night
Iām wondering what the
Other half of your bed looks like
And if itās been filled
Like mine
I find it weird
How years of my life
Seem to have disappeared overnight
How long was I walking
With a ghost by my side?
I just wanted to be wanted
But you didnāt want me right
And sometimes I find
In the middle of the night
Iām wondering what the
Other half of your bed looks like
And if itās been filled
Like mine
You say your conscience hurts like hell
And that you didnāt treat me well
Wracked with guilt
You just had to tell
I know what you did
I lived it myself
You say your conscience hurts like hell
And that you didnāt treat me well
Wracked with guilt
You just had to tell
I know what you did
'Cause I lived it myself
I lived it myself
Moving fast
But I feel slow
Iām not afraid to let go
Eventually youāll find
Someone else to hold
But you never forget
The first person you truly know
|
||||
8. |
Crash&Burn
03:42
|
|||
Thereās nothing left to say
That hasnāt been said before
Reevaluating all of the sins
I forgave you for
Thought it was in my head
I was being ignored
āCause when I lay in your bed
You were still the man who I adored
The man I adored
Since you disappeared
Progress has been made
Without you here
Thereās no one to disappoint me
So yes, I guess
Iām doing quite well
How about yourself?
How about yourself?
Part of me still wants to see
See you crash and burn
Come crawling to my place
And claim your lessons learned
Only so I can say
What you still havenāt heard
Make you sick to your stomach
Eating your own words
When can I get
When can I get
When can I get my shit back?
I wasnāt prepared
To be left one on one
Iāll admit I was scared
We hadnāt spoken in over a month
What do you say
When you know that itās done?
Iām in a different place
Than I was when weād begun
When weād begun
When weād begun
Part of me still wants to see
See you crash and burn
Come crawling to my place
And claim your lessons learned
Only so I can say
What you still havenāt heard
Make you sick to your stomach
Eating your own words
When can I get
When can I get
When can I get
My shit back?
(1 2 3 4!)
When can I get
When can I get
When can I get
When can I get
When
When can I get
When can I get
When?
When?
Can I
Get
When can I get
When can I get
When can I get
When can I get
My
Shit back?
|
||||
9. |
[Faded]
03:39
|
|||
If I could you purge your name
From my brainwaves
For a lifetime of peace
Would I go through with it
And would you do
The same to me?
How could we separate
The bad times
From the good?
Maybe you'd be able
I don't think I could
Oo
Oo
I wonder if we
Were to meet
At our usual place
Would you walk in
Wounded and hoping
To make your case?
Or would we reminisce
Smiling and laughing
At the people we were?
Knowing deep down
Doing this shit
Only makes it worse
Mm
Oo
Oo
And could we both look back and see
Where we went wrong?
Could we strip away the blame
And say we don't belong?
Could we go our own ways
And never meet again,
Knowing we are who we are
'Cause we fucked it up back then?
|
||||
10. |
Knots.
04:36
|
|||
I didnāt notice
When I grew up
One day I awoke
And my skin was rough
To the touch
I looked at my place
And I saw space
I didnāt know how to make it
When I was young
So now Iāve got knots
Where there ought to be
Breaks
Oh Iāve got knots
Where there ought to be
Breaks
I didnāt notice
When you grew up
All of our bills were paid on time
I didnāt even have to remind you once
I look at your face
And Iām unafraid
I didnāt know how to brave this
When I was young
When I
Didnāt want to see
What was holding me back
Something dark
Growing underneath
Not letting me speak
On my own behalf
So now Iāve got knots
Where there ought to be
Breaks
Oh Iāve got knots
Where there ought to be
Breaks
And Iāve been taught
How to remedy the ache
One step at a time
I unwind
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
One step at a time
I didnāt notice
When we grew up
|
Ellen Winter Brooklyn, New York
It's cool to care.
š¼ Composer
āš» Librettist
š©āš¤ Pop star
š¶ Dog mom
Streaming and Download help
Ellen Winter recommends:
If you like Ellen Winter, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp